So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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