when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
