Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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