I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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