She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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