All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
