I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
