She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
