What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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