I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
