Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
