He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
