the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's the barista slut.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize