May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize