Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
