Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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