Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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