I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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