I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
