FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
