THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
