Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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