GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
