Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
