Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my poor anus
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
