I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
