You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
