I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
