I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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