I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
