She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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