i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
