can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
