there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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