grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I look better un-naked...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
