Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
