Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize