oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
either way he was missing a nipple.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
