Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
