...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
