i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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