Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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