It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
