he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
