I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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