I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
