ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
