You're so nebulous sometimes
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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