You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
