dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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