My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
