so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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