dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
