I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize