No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
that is very illegal...i love you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
