so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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