Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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