I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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