omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
