Me too!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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