I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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