Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
