I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
