Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
