very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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