I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
