i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
