Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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