mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
