Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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