do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
