She is in my trunk
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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